Who wouldn’t like to feel more confident when it comes to sex? Confidence is part of having a great sex life, and this is especially true for women. To be comfortable in bed isn’t just a matter of getting rid of anxieties about performance or body image. It’s also about knowing you’re worth it and being clear about what you’re okay with. It’s figuring out what you like, being brave enough to talk about it, and going after what makes you happy.
Let’s explore sexual confidence. Along the way, we will give you tips to feel more confident and enjoy sex more.
Understanding Sexual Confidence
Being confident about sex is a big part of a woman’s sexual health and happiness. Our confidence comes from feeling valued and valuable. How are the two related?
The more valued you feel, the easier it is to share and enjoy your sexual feelings. When you’re at ease with your body and confident with your sexual self, you enjoy sex more. You also have a stronger bond with your partner.
So, do you feel you’re worth sexual pleasure? It’s something you should think about; many of us don’t feel that worth. The International Planned Parenthood Federation states, “Sexuality, and pleasure deriving from it, is a central aspect of being human.” In other words, you are worth this pleasure just because you are human.
The World Association for Sexual Health goes further: “Sexual pleasure is a fundamental part of sexual rights, sexual health, and sexual well-being.” To follow this line of thought, you not only are worth sexual pleasure, but also have a right to it.
Consider this: every woman, including you, deserves sexual pleasure. You have earned this both as a right and as part of the human experience. We urge you to accept and embrace the idea that you deserve pleasure. Once you do so, you take one of the first steps on the path to become more confident about sex and your sexuality.
Another great way to build confidence is to learn new sex techniques. Many women add to their knowledge and skills when they learn and practice our techniques. This new knowledge and skills, in turn, boosts their confidence. This increased confidence leads to enjoying sex more. More enjoyable sex leads to more confidence in an accumulative, circular effect.
Identify and Challenge Negative Thoughts
Most of us have thoughts that shake our confidence.Do you worry about how you look? Do you doubt you can fully please your partner? Do you feel pressure from others’ expectations? If so, you aren’t alone.
To address such negative thoughts, first write them down. For example, perhaps you worry that you aren’t “perfect.” Write down those thoughts. Then, remind yourself that no one is perfect, and your worth isn’t tied to you being perfect. You have worth quite apart from how you look, how you speak, or how you act.
When you have sex, one way to deal with negative or intrusive thoughts is to focus on your breath, your heart beat and the heart beat of your partner. Listen to your body. Feel what’s being done and the heat building up. When you do, it’s easier to keep those negative thoughts at bay. In this way, you can be more in the moment, and more mindful of your partner and the sex you enjoy together.
Change how you think about sex and pleasure to see yourself in a new, confident light. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying pleasure, just as there’s nothing wrong with good sex. Remind yourself of this to tackle sexual shame and see yourself in a stronger, more positive way.
By working on these areas, you can build a better, more confident you. You can learn how to better enjoy real-life, intimate connections without fear or hesitation.
Embrace Your Sensual Self
Embrace your sensual self to boost sexual confidence. Build a more positive view of your body, and do things that make you feel good. Ignore that internal critic’s voice that can do so much harm to your confidence. Develop self-care habits and activities that make you feel sensual and full of life, like a bubble bath, a glass of wine or simply a rose.
Celebrate your unique physical attributes and allow yourself to revel in your sensuality! Maybe you have sexy, athletic ankles or kind eyes or cute feet! Focus on these positives and cast aside negative self-criticism. Taking time to appreciate these qualities builds self-love, and when you feel good about yourself, confidence naturally follows.
Develop Assertiveness and Communication Skills
Being assertive and talking matter in every relationship, but they’re especially important in intimate relationships. Learning how to share what you like and don’t like, and practicing this skill, helps you feel more confident in bed.
Start by sharing something small and positive: “I like the way you kiss my ears” or “I enjoy when you touch my breasts in that gentle way”. It may take you saying this a few times before it sinks in. When you see results – when your partner does more of what you tell them you like, for example – it can help you feel good about sharing more.
When you do share more, you can move bit by bit to open up about both things you would like more of and things you don’t like. “I enjoy it when you spend more time cuddling” or “I like it when you spend less time acting like a jack hammer”. Keep in mind it’s good to speak in a positive way: “I like this …” or “When you do this, it feels good”. Mix in negative comments sparingly.
Humor also can help when you share. “Sure, I’m smaller than you. But my need for your touch takes up a lot of room!” Or “When you touch me like that, I will scream my head off. And you want those neighbors two blocks down to know you’re a sex god(dess), don’t you?” When you laugh, when you’re in a good mood, your partner tends to laugh with you, and tends to be more open to hearing what you have to say.
As you gain experience sharing, you can more easily state your limits and ask for what feels good. And when you practice sharing, you end up feeling more confident in bed.
Getting good at this kind of talk tends to boost your sexual confidence. As you practice, you develop your skills to talk about what you want. As you improve your skills, you improve your interactions with your partner. Your close moments become more respectful and satisfying, leading to greater self confidence.
Explore Pleasure and Experiment
Who likes change? For the majority of us, the answer is “Not me!” It takes time and energy to make changes in our bedroom routines. But if we invest that time and energy, the rewards can be substantial.
Change can be hard, but experimenting in bed is one way to build sexual confidence. Make pleasure, not just orgasm, your goal. This helps remove pressure and opens the door to trying new things. Learn new techniques, try different positions, or discuss fantasies to spark excitement.
One way to explore is to designate one day a month, like the third Saturday, as “Explore Day”. When you set aside a day (or night) this way, you make delving into the new and different a priority.
Another way to explore is to learn new techniques for sex. G-spot orgasms? Multiple orgasms? Back-to-back orgasms? Overlapping orgasms? All of these are just a few minutes away, thanks to our techniques for sensual sex.
And the benefits from learning something new can be substantial. Overlapping orgasms, for example, can completely transform your sex life. Sure, they take a few minutes to learn. And yes, you do need to practice. But the practice can be fun!
Remember, the more you explore, the more comfortable you’ll feel in the bedroom, and the more confidence you’ll have. The result is a more enjoyable and empowered sex life.
Final Thoughts
Boosting sexual confidence is a journey. Know and accept that you deserve pleasure. Fight negative thoughts. Learn new techniques. As you do all this, you will discover and build a more confident, fulfilling sexual identity.
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