This piece is all about the art of sexual communications – the kind that’s real, open, and easy to do. Ever been in bed and wanted to share your deepest sexual desires but felt stuck? We’ve all been there. You’re not the only one who has wondered how to tell your partner about a sexy dream you’ve had. Opening up about desires and limits can be as scary as it is thrilling. But don’t run away! Ready to unlock the keys to expressing what truly turns you on? Let’s go!
Why Talking About Sex Matters
Talking about sex is like a secret fix that makes things go just right. It’s more than just words; it’s about sharing your thoughts, feelings, and desires with your sexual partner in a way that brings you closer.
Whether you’re discussing your top moves and favorite sex toys or setting boundaries, good sexual communications are key to building trust, intimacy, and joy in your bond. Honest communication with your partner is not only healthy, but it can also lead to a more satisfying sex life
Tips for Sharing Wants
1. Make a Safe Space
Pick a time and spot where both partners feel cozy and calm. Make sure you have privacy and won’t be disturbed. Picture this: soft blankets, low lights, and the soft sound of your best music playing. Making a safe and comfy space is a must for having open and real chats about your wants. So, grab some tea, snuggle up with your partner, and let the talk flow.
2. Be Real and Straight Up
Keeping it real is best when talking about sex. This includes any kind of sexual activity where you might feel you need to fake orgasms. Instead of beating around the bush, be upfront and straight about what you want when you start talking to your partner. Whether it’s expressing your love for a certain move or sharing a wild dream, being real about your wants can lead to some seriously hot moments.
Example: “I’ve been thinking about trying something new in bed, and I wanted to see what you think. It might be fun to act out roles while we make love. I have some ideas but I bet you do too.”
3. Use “I” Statements
Frame your fantasies as personal tastes using “I” statements, such as “I enjoy when…” or “I would like to try…” This helps avoid blaming or guessing about your partner’s wants. For instance, instead of complaining, “You never do this for me,” try sharing your feelings without blaming your partner.
Example: “I really loved that new position you tried last night. I think exploring more together to see what we both enjoy would be fun. I have an idea I think you’d find really exciting.”
4. Listen Closely
Encourage your partner to actively listen to you without judgment or interruption. Give them space to ask questions or seek clarification if needed.
Example: “I’d like to share some thoughts about our sex life. Can you listen without interrupting until I’m done? I’ll give you the same chance to share after.”
5. Start Small
Your favorite fantasy may turn you on, but it could be quite different from what your partner has experienced. Start by talking about something that sets you on the path towards talking about your fantasy, but is not a big departure from what you two have already tried.
Example: Say you fantasize about your partner giving you gentle bites on your neck. Your partner has not yet even kissed your neck. Start with: “I’ve enjoyed your kisses on my lips and face.I think I might enjoy you kissing me on the neck, too.”
Setting and Respecting Limits
1. Know Your Limits
Limits are like your own personal guards – they keep you safe and secure. Take time to think about what you’re okay with and where you draw the line. Whether it’s a hard no on some acts or a soft limit that can be discussed, knowing your limits is key to a healthy and fun sex life.
2. Communicate Limits Clearly
When it comes to limits, there’s no room for confusion. Be clear and firm when telling your partner your limits. Whether it’s a simple “I’m not comfortable with that” or a longer explanation, make sure your partner understands where you stand.
Here are some examples of communicating – both verbally and non-verbally.
Verbal:
- Example: “Yes, I want to have sex with you.”
- Example: “I’m not ready to go further than kissing right now.”
Non-Verbal:
- Example: Nodding and actively taking part in sexual activity.
- Example: Pulling away or gently pushing a hand away to show discomfort.
Checking In:
- Example: “Is it okay if I touch you here?”
- Example: “Are you comfortable continuing with this?”
3. Respect Your Partner’s Limits
Just as you expect your limits to be respected, it’s important to respect your partner’s limits as well. Listen to their needs and avoid pressuring or tricking them into acts they’re not okay with. Remember, consent is key!
4. Review and Reassess
Like a garden, limits need regular tending. Take time to review and reassess your limits as your relationship grows. As you grow and change together, your limits may shift, and that’s totally okay. Just make sure to keep talking openly and honestly along the way.
Going With Consent
1. Put Consent First
Consent is the golden rule of sex – treat others the way you’d like to be treated. Always make consent the top priority in sexual acts, ensuring that both your partner and you are on board every step of the way.
2. Communicate Consent Clearly
Clear talking is crucial. Whether it’s a simple “yes” or “no” or a deeper discussion, make sure your consent is communicated clearly and precisely.
3. Respect Consent Being Withdrawn
Just as consent can be given, it can also be taken away. If your partner expresses discomfort or changes their mind about a sexual act, respect their choice and stop right away. No means no, and only enthusiastic consent is okay.
Put the Lessons Into Action: Enjoy the Journey
Congrats, you’re well on your way to mastering the art of expressing desires and setting limits in your relationship. By making a safe space for open and real sexual communications, respecting each other’s limits, and putting consent first, you can build a stronger, more intimate bond with your partner. So go ahead, have those awkward talks, embrace your fantasies, and enjoy the journey of sexual exploration together. After all, the best sex is the kind built on trust, talking, and mutual respect. Here’s to that!