You Deserve Pleasure: Embracing Female Orgasms

Okay, ladies, this might be a sensitive subject, but… have you ever had an orgasm and felt guilty about it? It can be hard to talk about, but many women have that same feeling. It often comes from what society, culture, or internal thoughts tell us. 

The fact is, you deserve pleasure. You deserve to enjoy sexual stimulation and release without fear of judgment. You should have the freedom to shout, “YES!” if you want to, in any other healthy expression of release. 

 Understanding and overcoming these feelings is important. It helps you have a healthy relationship with your body and sexuality. This article will give tips to help women embrace their right to pleasure. It will also clear up myths about female sexuality and explain why negative feelings might happen.

Understanding the Myths

The Male Orgasm Model

One big myth is that the male orgasm model is the only way. For men, an orgasm is usually a short burst of pleasure followed by a period where they can’t have another erection or orgasm. This can make people think that sex should be short and one-time. It might stop women from exploring their own pleasure.

The Female Orgasm Model

Unlike men, women can have multiple orgasms without needing a break. This means they can experience pleasure repeatedly. Knowing that women’s experiences can be different from men’s is key to overcoming guilt or feelings of unworthiness.

Why Women Might Feel They Don’t Deserve Pleasure

Societal and Cultural Influences

•   Sexual Shame: Many cultures teach that women’s sexuality should be controlled or hidden, leading to feelings of shame and guilt.
•   Religious Beliefs: Some religions say that sexual pleasure is wrong. This may cause inner conflict for women who want to enjoy their bodies.
•   Gender Roles: Traditional roles often tell women to put others’ needs first. They emphasize their partners’ needs over their own pleasure.

Personal Insecurities

•   Body Image Issues: Not liking your body can make you feel it’s not worth giving pleasure to.
•   Past Trauma: Sexual abuse or trauma can cause deep feelings of unworthiness and fear about sexual pleasure.
•   Low Self-Esteem: Low self-esteem can extend to sexual self-worth, making it hard to feel deserving of pleasure.

Tips for Overcoming Feelings of Unworthiness

Educate Yourself

•   Learn About Female Sexuality: Learn how female sexual pleasure works. Understanding your body can make the experience less mysterious and more empowering.
•   Read Positive Resources: Look for books, articles, and videos that promote a positive view of female sexuality. Along with the articles found here on SOFSS, other resources like “Come As You Are” by Emily Nagoski can be helpful.
•   Practice the SOFSS techniques: These techniques are designed to help overcome these feelings. The patient, straightforward instructions help lessen the self-judgment you might otherwise feel. Notice when these feelings of unworthiness appear so you can recognize and reframe your mindset. Some women feel most undeserving during their first orgasm. This also happens during their first multiple orgasm, first overlapping orgasm, or their first long overlapping orgasm. Our methods involve repetition and practice, which we call homework. This homework naturally leads you past any of these “firsts”, enabling you to feel more worthy with each practice session.

Challenge Negative Beliefs

•   Reframe Your Thoughts: When you have negative thoughts, challenge them with positive ones. Remind yourself that your body is made for pleasure and that it is a natural, healthy part of life. Embrace the thought that you deserve pleasure!
•   Seek Therapy: If past traumas or deep beliefs affect your ability to enjoy pleasure, see a therapist who specializes in sexual health.

Create a Safe and Comfortable Environment

•   Set the Mood: Create a relaxing space where you can focus on your body without distractions. Use soft lighting, comfy bedding, and calming music.
•   Use Lubrication: To ensure comfort and enhance sensation, use a good lubricant. This can make the experience more enjoyable.

Practice Mindfulness

•   Focus on Sensations: Pay close attention to the physical sensations you feel during orgasm. This can help you stay present and reduce feelings of guilt.
•   Breathing Exercises: Deep, slow breathing can help you relax and stay connected to your body. Try to sync your breath with your movements.

Explore Without Pressure

•   Take Your Time: Don’t rush to reach orgasm. Spend time exploring your body and finding what feels good. This can reduce pressure and increase enjoyment.
•   Experiment with Techniques: Try different techniques and toys to see what you enjoy most. This can make pleasuring yourself feel like a fun discovery rather than a task.

Normalize the Experience that You Deserve Pleasure

•   Talk About It: If you feel comfortable, discuss your concerns with trusted friends or partners. Sharing can help normalize it and reduce feelings of shame.
•   Join Sexual Health Communities: Online forums and support groups can give a sense of community and shared understanding.

Conclusion

You can overcome feelings of being unworthy of sexual pleasure. To do this, you need to understand and challenge deep beliefs. You also need to educate yourself and practice self-compassion. Validating female pleasure helps women reclaim their sexuality and enjoy their body’s full potential. Remember, orgasms are natural and healthy. They are empowering acts that every woman deserves to experience without guilt. Embrace your right to pleasure and celebrate your body for the amazing vessel it is.