Ever wonder how to turn an okay sex life into a great sex life? You may find it interesting to learn that a great sex life starts with something that doesn’t have anything to do with sex. For women, sex starts in the brain. How you feel–tired, angry, or detached–affects your ability to enjoy the act. So when you and your partner have emotional closeness, it can actually improve sex!
Feeling emotionally close to others is important for those “mind-bending” orgasms that we guide you through in our techniques. You must be able to trust your partner enough to be open. Being physically close becomes more special when you can clearly communicate your turn-ons (and turn-offs).
Understanding Feelings
This subject may seem a little too basic. After all, what woman isn’t at least slightly swayed by feelings sometimes? But you find there’s more to know.
Feelings guide our interactions and play a pivotal role in the length of a relationship. They help us navigate the ins and outs of emotional connection, communication, and understanding.
In romantic relationships, it’s not enough to be close, right? You could sit next to your partner and feel a thousand miles away. We need to feel close, and recognizing each other’s feelings is a key element for that closeness. When you communicate with your partner’s feelings in mind, moments take on more meaning.
Feelings act as signals.
Feelings often signal our needs and desires to ourselves and our partners. For example, feeling alone could mean you need more quality time with your partner. Frustration can point to the need for clearer communication.
When you pay attention to these emotions in your partner, you can address and care for their needs. A healthy relationship returns this care and concern. Sharing feelings of respect, understanding, and empathy makes your relationship more enjoyable.
Feelings can help fix conflicts or make them worse.
Especially in times of conflict, the ability to manage your emotions is vital. You can better respond with patience and empathy instead of defensiveness when under control. This key communication skill takes problem-solving to a whole new level.
Learn your partner’s nonverbal cues that broadcast anger or hurt. Be open and honest about how you feel, sharing your thoughts, desires, and problems. Keep your body language open, relaxed, and non-judgmental. Crossing your arms, tapping your foot in impatience, and looking stern aren’t going to be helpful!
Feelings can make you healthier.
If you’re feeling better than ever, you may have your partner to thank for that. Positive, supportive relationships provide lots of good health benefits. For example, your stress levels are lower, and your immune system works better. You also have less risk for a chronic disease like diabetes.
On the other hand, a bad relationship can actually cause health problems. Relationships filled with negativity and emotional distress can make you sick. That’s right! Saying, “You make me sick,” could actually be true!
Communication and Listening
Discussing our thoughts and feelings is important. This includes everyday things and deeper thoughts about sex. Different people communicate differently, so it’s important to understand these styles.
Doctors say that a healthy bond needs good communication. This is especially true when openly discussing sensitive things like sex. Honest dialogue helps us understand and accept each other and strengthens our bonds. We can share what we like and feel safe, so it’s easier to be ourselves.
This sharing will help you feel seen and valued, building trust. Try to stay open, relaxed, and listening when you talk. It may seem scary, but the rewards are worth it.
You can improve open communication by:
Setting aside time to talk with your partner. Make it a priority to have regular time to discuss your thoughts, feelings, and concerns. This could be a daily check-in or a weekly summary of how you’re feeling and what’s happening in your lives.
Using “I” statements. When discussing sensitive topics, it’s okay to use “I” to express how you feel without blaming or accusing. For example, say, “I feel upset when plans change at the last minute,” instead of “You always mess up our plans.”
Encouraging your partner to share. Make it clear that you value what your partner has to say. Encourage them to discuss their thoughts and feelings. You can do this by asking open-ended questions and being supportive when they share.
Constructively managing conflicts. Disagreements are natural, but you want to handle them carefully. Avoid criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which can damage relationships. Instead, focus on finding solutions together.
Better Self-Care Grows Healthy Relationships
When we speak about self-care, it’s not just spa days or alone time. Self-care is about nurturing your mind, body, and soul in ways that make you the best version of yourself. This helps you be more emotionally present and resilient, so you have space to be a better partner and a better person.
Self-care is often compared to an oxygen mask on an airplane. You need to secure yours first before you can help others. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you can’t fully care for anyone else.
Doing things you love and maintaining a healthy lifestyle are all parts of self-care that help you stay vibrant. Staying in touch and visiting friends and family members can also help. When you feel good, your relationships benefit from that same positive energy.
By focusing on your well-being, you’re also helping your relationships thrive. Being well-rounded brings empathy, understanding, and stability to your relationships. In turn, this helps you and your partner handle challenges together. So, taking time for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch
Non-sexual touch is a golden thread in the tapestry of human connection. It weaves intimacy and trust into the fabric of our relationships. This kind of touch, simple yet profound, speaks volumes without saying a word.
A warm hand squeeze says, “I’m here.” A comforting hug murmurs, “You’re safe.” The gentleness of a caress whispers, “You’re loved.”
Research underscores the power of physical touch in communicating affection, reducing stress, and even boosting the immune system. Touch is a fundamental human need. While not as essential to life as air and water, lack of touch can cause depression, anxiety, and even immune system disorders. In a relationship, non-sexual touch builds bridges of closeness and trust. It can turn a house into a home and a partnership into a sanctuary.
Cuddling, holding hands, and sharing gentle touches aren’t just romantic gestures. They’re rituals of connection that reinforce the bonds of intimacy. They serve as tangible reminders that you and your partner are in this life together, sharing its burdens and joys. With non-sexual touch as a part of your relationship, you nurture emotional closeness that can stand the test of time.
Touch isn’t the only way to build connection; meeting your partner’s eyes and staring into them has it’s own benefits. In “Why Gazing Into a Partner’s Eyes Boosts Intimacy and Sexual Pleasure,” on Psychology Today, the writer states:
“Modern science has proven both observations correct. When two people gaze into each other’s eyes for more than a minute or two, they develop deeper trust, greater intimacy, greater mutual attraction—and as a result, usually more satisfying sex.”
So, let’s not underestimate the power of a touch, a hug, a gentle hand squeeze, or even a lasting, loving, look. These small gestures open the heart and keep the flame of affection and intimacy burning bright in a relationship.
Final Thoughts
Creating a deep emotional bond can be tough but rewarding. We must be open, share our true feelings, and want to grow together. The benefits are “a many splendoured thing.”
Emotional bonds don’t just enhance sexual fulfillment. They also strengthen the foundation of our bonds, making them stronger and more satisfying.
Open communication, trust, and emotional connection are the first steps to unlocking the deep joys of intimacy. By doing this, we strengthen and deepen our bonds, and we can deeply feel connection and closeness with others.
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